- Julian (Children of Men)
..and neither do i.
a mistake i made
when i was
younger is that
i imagined that i did.
i imagined the world as
perpetrators of my own pain,
and that they are incapable
of empathising with me because
the depth of my suffering
is not as lucid as theirs.
my juvenile mind conceptualized
plenty of conspiracy theories;
it blamed the world for
inflicting pain unto me.
these days,
i am less irrational.
in truth,
we all have our pain, and
pain is all the same.
some talk about it, some don't.
some deal, some don't.
verbalizing pain does not
make one any more pitiful
than another who
takes pain as a
private affair.
we all have a softest spot,
a difficult matter we don't want
to talk about,
a couple of skeletons in the closet...
venturing into those grounds
forces us to face our
weaker selves, our uglier selves.
for me
there's always much discomfort
in looking back,
reviewing my performance
as a person is always a terrible
blow to the selfesteem.
i am selfish-
my love is never unconditional.
my love has always been asked to
be loved in return, or
a tool to facilitate
my loving myself.
i hold plenty of grudges,
i hardly forget-
for the PR exercise, i forgive,
but i always have something terrible
to remember about everyone.
i am a hypocrite,
because i fear the day the
world retaliates.
for me, EQ is about degenerating
yourself into that gooey thing,
so that you can better
fit into the mould-
when the occasion calls for it.
by all means, be a terrible person if
you must, just make it private.
ive said plenty of things
i shouldnt,
missed the chance to love
the people i could,
done pretty silly things
among many other things...
i am flawed and i err.
i could be that Virginia Tech
dude minus the theatrics,
plus some sense of humour.
but inside of me
there's a conscience that saves
me from myself.
春风吹呀吹
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抖落一地愁
烦恼不再有
7:06 PM